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Why Marriage Counseling Works

Derek and Stacey were walking around their Tualatin neighborhood discussing their marriage. They were reflecting on how much closer they‘ve become since starting marriage counseling six weeks earlier.

While Derek and Stacey were having a hard time pinpointing the exact way that marriage counseling had improved their relationship, they knew that it had made all the difference. The couple just couldn’t put it into words.

Lots of couples find tremendous benefit in counseling but aren’t sure how to articulate what happens there.

Here are some reasons why marriage counseling works.

Reason #1 Why Marriage Counseling Works — It Creates a New Pattern:

You’ve been trying to figure it out for a while now. Or you haven’t been.

Either way, you and your spouse have been having similar patterns in your relationships. Your conversations look the same. It feels like you replay the same fights over and over again.

You’ve run out of ideas on what to do next to help you move forward.

Marriage counseling adds a new person to the conversation. It forces a new way of relating in the marriage.

Just inviting a new voice into the marriage will change the rhythms or patterns of the relationship.

And that can help create a new way of relating in marriage.

Reason #2 Why Marriage Counseling Works — You Will Communicate Differently:

We all pick up bad habits in our communication. Some of these bad habits increase conflict in a relationship.

But with a new pattern of relating comes a new way of communicating.

A marriage counselor will teach you tools that will improve the communication that takes place in the relationship.

Reason #3 Why Marriage Counseling Works — Everything Gets Out in the Open:

Are you someone who tends to avoid issues? Or maybe you’ve been holding back your thoughts to stay out of conflict with your spouse or partner?

In any case, avoiding hard or challenging conversations does not make for a strong relationship. Instead, avoidance tends to breed resentment and contempt.

And keeping secrets creates a rot in relational intimacy.

A marriage counselor is trained to ask the right questions and confront the veiled areas of the relationship. That helps to get everything out into the open. And it is done in a way that promotes healing and closeness. Not division and opposition.

Reason #4 Why Marriage Counseling Works — Take Responsibility for Your Relationship:

Our relationships often feel out of control when we become emotionally dysregulated.

Marriage counseling with a Restoration Therapist helps everyone in the relationship to recognize their responsibility in self-regulation of emotions.

One of those benefits of being emotionally regulated is gaining empowerment in the relationship.

And this creates greater clarity in communication.


Marriage counseling works.

It works in developing greater emotional intimacy.

It helps couples gain understanding of the emotions swirling around the relationship.

Marriage counseling works in strengthening communication. Couples gain tools to manage conflict in a healthy manner.

If the members of the relationship are invested and committed, a marriage counselor can help them make the relationship work.

If you or a couple you know could use help in their marriage, find a marriage counselor. It is a great gift to the relationship.


Jason Wilkinson loves helping couples work through challenges through marriage counseling. He is the owner of Wellspace Counseling, located in Tualatin, Oregon. Wellspace Counseling provides individual and marriage counseling to the communities of Tualatin, Lake Oswego, and Portland, Oregon. Wellspace Counseling also provides counseling services throughout the state of Oregon through the use of online counseling.


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